I've been trying to lose fake weight while hoping to gain more real body weight

in blurtlatam •  last year 

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Losing extra water is better, losing anymore body weight for me is never.

Perder agua de más es mejor, perder más peso corporal para mí nunca.

This early morning I had a conversation to one of the dialysis patients while we are waiting to be "triaged" prior for our dialysis treatment. The triage system is done after the CoViD pandemic happened as a precaution to asses the patient if they have symptoms of CoViD or other health issues so that they can be further assisted to solve those medical issues prior to leeting them in for dialysis. However, if they are showing signs of CoViD, they will not be let in the treatment are but will have to undergo a test to see if they are positive for CoViD or not, then another procedure is done until they are cleared.

Esta mañana temprano he tenido una conversación con uno de los pacientes de diálisis mientras esperábamos a que nos "clasificaran" antes de nuestro tratamiento de diálisis. El sistema de triaje se lleva a cabo tras la pandemia de CoViD como medida de precaución para evaluar si el paciente tiene síntomas de CoViD u otros problemas de salud, de modo que se le pueda ayudar a resolver esos problemas médicos antes de dejar que se someta a diálisis. Sin embargo, si muestran signos de CoViD, no se les deja entrar en la zona de tratamiento, sino que se les somete a una prueba para ver si son positivos o no, y luego se realiza otro procedimiento hasta que se les da el alta.

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It was scary in the triage because if you show signs of CoViD, you will not be dialyzed on that day and will be asked to get tested. If positive you will be put in a far away dialysis treatment facility with CoViD positive patients.

Daba miedo en el triaje porque si muestras signos de CoViD, no te dializarán ese día y te pedirán que te hagas la prueba. Si das positivo te pondrán en un centro de tratamiento de diálisis lejano con pacientes positivos a CoViD.

Anyway, I was surprised to see that I am relatively lighter than what I am expecting because I was always consuming liquids because for the reason that the weather now had turned to be much hotter like it should be and I am expecting that because it has been the third week of the month of march already. The nighttime temperatures are still cool but I guess that it will be gone until it is not hard to take a bath in the morning anymore. Whenever I would leave the house I should take a bath no matter what the hour of the day it was, if it is cooler or hotter. It is quite refreshing to shower with warm water coming from the tap but after you are done you will also start to sweat during the hottest days of the year.

De todos modos, me sorprendió ver que soy relativamente más ligero de lo que esperaba porque siempre estaba consumiendo líquidos debido a la razón de que el clima ahora se había convertido en mucho más caliente como debería ser y estoy esperando que porque ha sido la tercera semana del mes de marzo ya. Las temperaturas nocturnas todavía son frescas pero supongo que se irán hasta que ya no sea difícil bañarse por la mañana. Siempre que saliera de casa deberia darme un baño sin importar la hora del dia que fuera, si hace mas frio o mas calor. Es bastante refrescante ducharse con agua caliente que sale del grifo, pero al terminar también empiezas a sudar en los días más calurosos del año.

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I can be more liberal now because of the hot weather had came here already. The problem is that I am still not sweating much.

Ahora puedo ser más liberal porque ya ha llegado el calor. El problema es que todavía no estoy sudando mucho.

Anyway, in the triage area, my co-patient asked me what really was my dry weight, my true body weight without the additional weight of the wheelchair which I was sitting on while I am being wheeled in and out from the treatment area and back to the car. After seeing my weight I was surprised that I had gone to be much lighter than I was expecting because I thought that I was around 34 Kg but in actuality I am only weighing less than 33 Kg if I would not count the weight of my wallet, cellphone, and powerbank with only two pieces of 18650 batteries. It is also lower if I would not count the weight of my clothes and my suspender which I bought from Lithuania a few months ago.

De todos modos, en el área de triaje, mi co-paciente me preguntó cuál era realmente mi peso en seco, mi peso corporal real sin el peso adicional de la silla de ruedas en la que estaba sentada mientras me llevaban dentro y fuera del área de tratamiento y de vuelta al coche. Después de ver mi peso me sorprendió que había ido a ser mucho más ligero de lo que esperaba, porque pensé que yo estaba alrededor de 34 Kg, pero en realidad sólo estoy pesando menos de 33 Kg si no contara el peso de mi cartera, teléfono móvil, y powerbank con sólo dos piezas de 18650 baterías. También es inferior si no cuento el peso de mi ropa y mis tirantes que compré en Lituania hace unos meses.

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I actually reached my desired weight already without the extra water in my body anymore. It gave me a better sense of well-being after being waterlogged for more than a decade of struggling.

De hecho, ya he alcanzado mi peso deseado sin el agua sobrante en mi cuerpo. Me dio una mejor sensación de bienestar después de estar anegado durante más de una década de lucha.

The difference was made by the weight of the wheelchair which I thought to be 17.8 Kg but its actual weight was only 15.5 Kg. The result was I was targeting my former dry weight weight but in fact I was able to lower my dry weight near my supposed real body weight. That is why I was always feeling much better after dialysis to the point that I can sleep much better and finish my food which we bought at the convenience store. It is just a rice bowl meal with some pieces of pork with a very delicious gravy sauce.

La diferencia la marcaba el peso de la silla de ruedas, que yo creía que era de 17,8 kg, pero en realidad sólo pesaba 15,5 kg. El resultado fue que me dirigía a mi antiguo peso en seco pero en realidad pude bajar mi peso en seco cerca de mi supuesto peso corporal real. Es por eso que siempre me sentía mucho mejor después de la diálisis hasta el punto de que puedo dormir mucho mejor y terminar mi comida que compramos en la tienda de conveniencia. Es sólo una comida de tazón de arroz con algunos trozos de carne de cerdo con una salsa gravy muy deliciosa.

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After the hospital changed the wheelchair I started to get better because the weight of the wheelchair is lighter compared to the old one.

Después de que el hospital me cambiara la silla de ruedas, empecé a mejorar porque el peso de la silla es menor que el de la antigua.

From the former years I was heavier with extra water in my system and it did plagued me with serious breathlessness with minor exertions. I was not able to walk and due to the fact that my backbone and feet would hurt even if I tried, it is just impossible. However now the crackling sounds in my lungs disappeared which I thought will never go away. However I already know the cause of it which is the extra fluids in my body. But I was failing everytime for the reason that my blood pressure was kept on crashing, even without targeting a lower dry weight, my blood pressure just gave me a lot of frustrations, incomplete dialysis treatment, and a very bad quality of cleaning for my blood. It is because if something like a blood pressure crash happens, the nurses would just switch to "minimum" setting which means that they will stop drawing out water from the body and decreasing the intensity of the cleaning action of the process of dialysis.

En los últimos años he tenido más peso y más agua en mi organismo, lo que me provocaba una gran disnea cuando hacía pequeños esfuerzos. No podía caminar, y aunque lo intentara me dolerían la columna vertebral y los pies. Sin embargo, ahora han desaparecido los sonidos crepitantes de mis pulmones, que creía que nunca desaparecerían. Sin embargo, ya sé cuál es la causa: el exceso de líquido en el cuerpo. Pero estaba fallando todo el tiempo por la razón de que mi presión arterial seguía cayendo, incluso sin apuntar a un peso seco más bajo, mi presión arterial sólo me dio un montón de frustraciones, tratamiento de diálisis incompleta, y una muy mala calidad de limpieza para mi sangre. Esto se debe a que si ocurre algo como una caída de la presión arterial, las enfermeras simplemente cambian a la configuración "mínima", lo que significa que dejarán de extraer agua del cuerpo y disminuirán la intensidad de la acción de limpieza del proceso de diálisis.

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It has been so difficult for me to solve the issue of extra water weight because of hypotension for so many years that I thought that there will come a time that my body will not be able to tolerate dialysis treatment anymore. However a simple discontinuation of my use of Gabapentin had solved multiple problems in one solution.

Me ha resultado tan difícil resolver el problema del exceso de peso debido a la hipotensión durante tantos años que pensé que llegaría un momento en que mi cuerpo ya no podría tolerar el tratamiento de diálisis. Sin embargo una simple interrupción de mi uso de Gabapentina había resuelto múltiples problemas en una sola solución.

Because of those many instances that happened before, I would leave the dialysis center without being removed with extra water adequately. It will result in my struggle to control my fluid consumption because my allowance to consume fluids for the next dialysis treatment has been made smaller. But thanks be to God I later found out the cause of those blood pressure crashes was Gabapentin. That medicine has an action to relax the muscles and it includes the heart. The heart really needs to be normally working and not sluggish because if it does, the blood pressure-lowering effect of dialysis process will get intensified. I did stopped taking Gabapentin to see what happens and true enough, there are no more struggles to finish my dialysis treatments. No more symptoms of hypotension anymore and no more incomplete dialysis treatments too. I can never be more happier in solving a decades-old hypotension issue that plagued me for a long time and yet managed to get freed from it for good.

Debido a esos muchos casos que me ocurrían antes, salía del centro de diálisis sin que me retiraran el agua extra de forma adecuada. El resultado sería mi lucha por controlar el consumo de líquidos, ya que mi asignación para consumir líquidos para el siguiente tratamiento de diálisis se había reducido. Pero gracias a Dios más tarde descubrí que la causa de esas bajadas de tensión era la Gabapentina. Ese medicamento tiene una acción para relajar los músculos e incluye el corazón. El corazón tiene que funcionar normalmente y no flojear, porque si lo hace, el efecto reductor de la tensión arterial del proceso de diálisis se intensificará. Dejé de tomar Gabapentina para ver qué pasaba y, efectivamente, ya no me costaba terminar mis tratamientos de diálisis. Se acabaron los síntomas de hipotensión y los tratamientos de diálisis incompletos. No puedo estar más feliz de haber resuelto un problema de hipotensión de décadas de antigüedad que me atormentó durante mucho tiempo y, sin embargo, logré liberarme de él para siempre.

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The heart has to be normal and strong in order to resist the hypotensive side-effect of dialysis. That is why I use caffeine pills for the purpose. Caffeine is dialyzable anyway and most of it can be washed-out by the dialysis process.

El corazón tiene que estar normal y fuerte para resistir el efecto secundario hipotensor de la diálisis. Por eso utilizo pastillas de cafeína para este fin. La cafeína es dializable de todos modos y la mayor parte de ella puede ser lavada por el proceso de diálisis.

It is the reason why I was able to reach a lower dry weight for my body without having to suffer hypotension. In fact I might be lower than what I am currently weighing right now because I still suffer from breathlessness if I would walk or use the bathroom. But I am good for now and much doing better. Maybe that the cause of my breathlessness was the fact that my lungs are squeezed when my backbone had curved in two places along the upper-back and below the neck areas. So until that issue get to be fixed, then I might not get back in restoring the way I was breathing before. The possibility of a backbone surgery is slim to none. My bones are not in the condition to be worked with because they are brittle and because of that I might get the risk of being paralyzed if not dying in the operating room.

Es la razón por la que he podido alcanzar un peso seco inferior para mi cuerpo sin tener que sufrir hipotensión. De hecho, es posible que mi peso sea inferior al actual porque todavía me falta el aire cuando camino o voy al baño. Pero por ahora estoy bien y mucho mejor. Tal vez la causa de mi falta de aliento era el hecho de que mis pulmones están apretados cuando mi columna vertebral se había curvado en dos lugares a lo largo de la parte superior de la espalda y por debajo de las áreas del cuello. Hasta que no se solucione este problema, no podré volver a respirar como antes. La posibilidad de una operación de columna vertebral es mínima. Mis huesos no están en condiciones de ser trabajados porque son frágiles y por eso podría correr el riesgo de quedar paralizado si no morir en el quirófano.

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Unlike Camels who do not mind having one or two humps in their backs, my cause id different because of a curved backbone that squeezed my lungs in particular which makes it difficult for me to breathe normally. It is the other reason of my difficulty in breathing with minor exertion of body movements.

A diferencia de los Camellos que no les importa tener una o dos jorobas en la espalda, mi causa id diferente debido a una columna vertebral curvada que aprieta mis pulmones en particular lo que me dificulta respirar normalmente. Es la otra razón de mi dificultad para respirar con pequeños esfuerzos de movimientos del cuerpo.

Gaining more weight still remains to be my pressing problem. It is true that I can't eat more calories and food because I have to restrict my diet to make me feel better in-between dialysis sessions. I also do not want to get overdoes with certain nutrients that would cause my current bone issues to get worse. I am still having trouble in consuming the home-cooked meals that are being prepared by my loving mother because they do not taste good plus I am lacking a normal appetite to eat. However, I do not think that I am malnourished because I am taking essential vitamins to support my body's functions. The appetite enhances also are not working plus they are very expensive and also makes me sleepy all the time. The nature of my work/hobby is requiring me not to sleep much because It will affect my productivity. Now I just have to make it sure that I am eating the right foods and not totally losing anymore body weight. It is because I look grotesque already where my bones would just be ignored by cats and with only a few people not minding my looks anymore.

Ganar más peso sigue siendo mi problema acuciante. Es cierto que no puedo ingerir más calorías y alimentos porque tengo que restringir mi dieta para sentirme mejor entre las sesiones de diálisis. Tampoco quiero excederme con ciertos nutrientes que empeorarían mis actuales problemas óseos. Sigo teniendo problemas para consumir las comidas caseras que me prepara mi cariñosa madre porque no saben bien y además me falta el apetito normal para comer. Sin embargo, no creo que esté desnutrida porque estoy tomando vitaminas esenciales para apoyar las funciones de mi cuerpo. Los estimulantes del apetito tampoco funcionan, son muy caros y me dan sueño todo el tiempo. La naturaleza de mi trabajo/afición me obliga a no dormir mucho porque afectaría a mi productividad. Ahora sólo tengo que asegurarme de que estoy comiendo los alimentos adecuados y no perder totalmente más peso corporal. Es porque ya me veo grotesco donde mis huesos solo serian ignorados por los gatos y con solo unas pocas personas que ya no se preocupan por mi apariencia.

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What I can only do now is to nourish my body with natural foods and even that is proving to be difficult because of the prices of commodities right now. It is difficult to solve the issue of gaining weight for me because I also feel sick if I would eat more for the reason that toxic by-products accumulates in my body. I think that only a miracle can make me gain weight again, I don't know what to do anymore.

Lo único que puedo hacer ahora es nutrir mi cuerpo con alimentos naturales e incluso eso está resultando difícil debido a los precios de los productos básicos en estos momentos. Es difícil resolver el problema de ganar peso para mí porque también me siento enferma si comiera más por la razón de que los subproductos tóxicos se acumulan en mi cuerpo. Creo que sólo un milagro me puede hacer ganar peso de nuevo, ya no sé qué hacer


Translated in Filipino [Taglish]


Kaninang madaling araw ay nakausap ko ang isa sa mga pasyente ng dialysis habang naghihintay kami na "triaged" bago para sa aming paggamot sa dialysis. Ginagawa ang triage system pagkatapos mangyari ang pandemya ng CoViD bilang pag-iingat upang masuri ang pasyente kung mayroon silang mga sintomas ng CoViD o iba pang mga isyu sa kalusugan upang mas matulungan silang malutas ang mga medikal na isyu na iyon bago sila ipasok para sa dialysis. Gayunpaman, kung sila ay nagpapakita ng mga senyales ng CoViD, hindi sila papapasukin sa paggamot ngunit kailangan nilang sumailalim sa isang pagsubok upang makita kung sila ay positibo sa CoViD o hindi, pagkatapos ay isa pang pamamaraan ang gagawin hanggang sa sila ay malinis.

Anyway, nagulat ako nang makita kong medyo magaan ako kaysa sa inaasahan ko dahil palagi akong umiinom ng mga likido dahil sa kadahilanang ang panahon ngayon ay naging mas mainit tulad ng nararapat at inaasahan ko na dahil ito ay naging. ikatlong linggo na ng buwan ng marso. Malamig pa ang temperatura sa gabi pero sa tingin ko ay mawawala na ito hanggang sa hindi na mahirap maligo sa umaga. Sa tuwing aalis ako ng bahay dapat akong maligo kahit anong oras ng araw, kung ito ay mas malamig o mas mainit. Nakakapreskong mag-shower ng maligamgam na tubig na nagmumula sa gripo ngunit pagkatapos mong gawin ay magpapawis ka rin sa pinakamainit na araw ng taon.

Anyway, sa triage area, tinanong ako ng co-patient ko kung ano ba talaga ang dry weight ko, ang tunay kong bigat sa katawan na walang karagdagang bigat ng wheelchair na inupuan ko habang inilalabas-masok ako mula sa treatment area at likod. papunta sa kotse. Matapos makita ang aking timbang nagulat ako na naging mas magaan ako kaysa sa inaasahan ko dahil akala ko ay nasa 34 Kg ako ngunit sa totoo lang ay mas mababa lang sa 33 Kg ang bigat ko kung hindi ko bibilangin ang bigat ng aking pitaka, cellphone, at powerbank na may lamang dalawang piraso ng 18650 na baterya. Mas mababa rin ito kung hindi ko bibilangin ang bigat ng aking mga damit at ang aking suspender na binili ko mula sa Lithuania ilang buwan na ang nakakaraan.

Ang pagkakaiba ay ginawa sa bigat ng wheelchair na akala ko ay 17.8 Kg ngunit ang aktwal na timbang nito ay 15.5 Kg lamang. Ang resulta ay tina-target ko ang dating dry weight weight ko pero sa totoo lang naibaba ko ang dry weight ko malapit sa inaakalang totoong timbang ko sa katawan. Kaya naman lagi akong gumaan ang pakiramdam ko pagkatapos ng dialysis to the point na mas makatulog ako ng mahimbing at makatapos ng pagkain na binili namin sa convenience store. Isa lang itong rice bowl meal na may ilang piraso ng baboy na may napakasarap na gravy sauce.

Mula sa mga nakaraang taon ako ay mas mabigat na may dagdag na tubig sa aking sistema at ito ay sinalanta ako ng malubhang paghinga na may kaunting mga pagsisikap. Hindi ako makalakad at dahil sa pananakit ng likod at paa ko kahit pilitin ko, imposible lang. Gayunpaman ngayon ay naglaho ang mga kaluskos sa aking baga na akala ko ay hindi na mawawala. Gayunpaman alam ko na ang sanhi nito na kung saan ay ang mga sobrang likido sa aking katawan. Ngunit ako ay nabigo sa bawat oras sa kadahilanang ang aking presyon ng dugo ay patuloy na bumabagsak, kahit na hindi nagta-target ng mas mababang tuyong timbang, ang aking presyon ng dugo ay nagbigay lamang sa akin ng maraming pagkabigo, hindi kumpletong paggamot sa dialysis, at isang napakasamang kalidad ng paglilinis para sa aking dugo . Ito ay dahil kung may nangyaring tulad ng isang pagbagsak ng presyon ng dugo, ang mga nars ay lilipat na lamang sa "minimum" na setting na nangangahulugan na sila ay titigil sa paglabas ng tubig mula sa katawan at bawasan ang intensity ng paglilinis ng aksyon ng proseso ng dialysis.

Dahil sa napakaraming pagkakataong nangyari noon, aalis ako sa dialysis center nang hindi inaalis ng sapat na tubig. Magreresulta ito sa aking paghihirap na kontrolin ang aking pagkonsumo ng likido dahil ang aking allowance para sa pagkonsumo ng mga likido para sa susunod na paggamot sa dialysis ay ginawang mas maliit. Ngunit salamat sa Diyos, nalaman kong ang sanhi ng pagbagsak ng presyon ng dugo ay Gabapentin. Ang gamot na iyon ay may aksyon para i-relax ang mga kalamnan at kasama dito ang puso. Ang puso ay talagang kailangang normal na gumagana at hindi matamlay dahil kung gagawin nito, ang epekto ng pagbaba ng presyon ng dugo ng proseso ng dialysis ay lalakas. Itinigil ko nga ang pag-inom ng Gabapentin para makita kung ano ang mangyayari at tama na, wala nang mga paghihirap para tapusin ang aking mga paggamot sa dialysis. Wala nang mga sintomas ng hypotension at wala nang hindi kumpletong paggamot sa dialysis. Hinding-hindi ako magiging mas masaya sa paglutas ng isang dekada-gulang na isyu sa hypotension na sumakit sa akin sa mahabang panahon at nagawang makawala mula rito nang tuluyan.

Ito ang dahilan kung bakit nagawa kong maabot ang isang mas mababang tuyong timbang para sa aking katawan nang hindi kinakailangang magdusa ng hypotension. Kung tutuusin ay baka mas mababa ako sa kasalukuyang tinitimbang ko ngayon dahil kinakapos pa rin ako sa paghinga kung maglalakad ako o gagamit ng banyo. Ngunit ako ay mabuti para sa ngayon at marami akong ginagawang mas mahusay. Marahil na ang sanhi ng aking paghinga ay ang katotohanan na ang aking mga baga ay napiga nang ang aking gulugod ay nakakurba sa dalawang lugar sa kahabaan ng itaas na likod at sa ibaba ng mga bahagi ng leeg. Kaya hangga't hindi pa naaayos ang isyu na iyon, baka hindi na ako makabalik sa pagpapanumbalik ng paraan ng paghinga ko noon. Ang posibilidad ng isang backbone surgery ay maliit sa wala. Ang aking mga buto ay wala sa kondisyon na dapat trabahuhin dahil sila ay malutong at dahil doon ay maaaring magkaroon ako ng panganib na maparalisa kung hindi mamatay sa operating room.

Ang pagkakaroon ng mas maraming timbang ay nananatili pa rin sa aking pagpindot na problema. Totoo na hindi ako makakain ng mas maraming calorie at pagkain dahil kailangan kong higpitan ang aking diyeta upang maging mas mabuti ang pakiramdam ko sa pagitan ng mga sesyon ng dialysis. Hindi ko rin gustong ma-overdo ang ilang mga sustansya na magiging sanhi ng paglala ng aking kasalukuyang mga isyu sa buto. Nahihirapan pa rin akong ubusin ang mga lutong bahay na inihahanda ng aking mapagmahal na ina dahil hindi masarap ang lasa plus kulang ako ng normal na gana kumain. Gayunpaman, hindi ko iniisip na ako ay malnourished dahil umiinom ako ng mahahalagang bitamina upang suportahan ang mga function ng aking katawan. The appetite enhances also are not working plus they are very expensive and also makes me sleeping all the time. Ang likas na katangian ng aking trabaho/libangan ay nag-aatas sa akin na huwag masyadong matulog dahil makakaapekto ito sa aking pagiging produktibo. Ngayon kailangan ko lang siguraduhin na kumakain ako ng tamang pagkain at hindi na ako pumapayat. Ito ay dahil ako ay mukhang kataka-taka na kung saan ang aking mga buto ay hindi na lang papansinin ng mga pusa at kaunti na lang ang hindi na iniisip ang aking hitsura.



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