End or new beginning? 👹🍣🎎 My Japan

in japan •  10 months ago 

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In addition to the many experiences I've already had here in the Land of the Rising Sun, there was something new waiting for me these days. Funerals and mourning ceremonies are not necessarily the events that you are really keen on and absolutely want to attend. But the longer you live and the more people you meet, the more likely it is that you will have to say goodbye to someone you know yourself.

At this side of the planet it hit me for the first time and as expected it was a bit different to where I come from. In Japan, funerals take place in Buddhist style and usually drag on for several days. Called Sōgi or Sōshiki, the ceremonies include a wake, the cremation of the deceased, the burial in a family grave, and a regular memorial service.

At first glance, this sounds considerably more stressful than the funeral services I was used to back home. And so it was, especially for the immediate family who, in addition to the many formalities involved in any death, have to organize and also pay the funeral service.

For me, however, apart from the loss of someone I knew and also appreciated, it was a new experience, which connected me a little more with that country here in the Far East and also with its people.

I was getting some real first-hand experience. Several times I paid my respects to the deceased, first at home and then in the mourning hall, in a personally and also a rather ceremonially way.

I watched the monks' rites and listened to their sutras, which are meant to help prepare the soul of the deceased for its further journey and to rest in peace. I marveled at the lavish and expansive flower arrangements and had time to do some reflecting on myself. Listening to the monotonous sound of the sutras also has something meditative about it, which in this situation I found quite appropriate and helpful.

I helped to cover the body with flowers and then to carry out the closed coffin. I was even present in the crematorium, and my gaze accompanied the deceased until the doors of the firing chamber closed.

The remains now rest in a small urn containing ashes as well as some hand-picked unburned bones. This urn is now going to rest next to the family's home altar until it will finally be placed in the family tomb on the 49th day following the day of death. Until then, some more ceremonies and prayers follow, again attended by one or more of the monks.

The mourning period is therefore far from over, and depending on each family is celebrated more or less intensively. But Japanese mourning ceremonies also have a lighter part, which is accompanied by food, drinks and casual and also serious conversations.

Each person has a different way of dealing with their grief and often we do not know exactly how to deal with such situations. And then we take refuge in formal and traditional ceremonies, from which we expect comfort and support. But everyone is free to go their own way and deal with their own loss in the way they feel is right for them.

At first glance, my family may seem smaller now, but if I look very closely, it may even have grown. At least the ties that bind us have become more intense, and thus stronger and more personal. And so, in this ending, there is once again the seed for a new beginning, on which I hope to build.

We might be the present but too soon we will be the past. However, the future, which needs us so much, has already begun and is waiting for our helping hand. Let us reach out without imposing any conditions, and let us look forward to all what is to come together.

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